OK. So this is supposed to be a picture of a snake – post meal – smoking a cigarette. I had drawn it and was planning to scan and post it but couldn’t get my scanner to work. So I drew it with that little pencil that you can find in InDesign, which is useless as you can see. So, please forgive the execution, and just appreciate the sentiment. Or not. Anyway, I’m a little late for a Thanksgiving cartoon so just forgive my all around lameness.
Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, but doesn’t Bernie Sanders sound an awful lot like the Anteater from the Pink Panther cartoons?
I missed my Friday deadline for only the second time but I have a good reason. I took Friday off this week. Took it off from life that is and slept all day. Right now, things are not so good. Rather, my life is total shit. And I have nothing funny or clever to say – maybe I never did. Anyway, I’m welcoming any and all negative comments concerning me, my writing, my personality, my looks, my habits, anything. Really. Pile the abuse on. Please don’t post any praise or positive comments. Not looking for that – seriously. Comments can be funny or serious but MUST BE derogatory – towards me. I’ll start things off. I’m a total, hopeless slob. I would post a picture to prove this but my camera is buried somewhere under a pile of shit. Now, go ahead, bring it on. I can’t possibly getting any lower than I am right now so don’t worry about upsetting me. Now’s your chance.
Also, any suggestions on really depressing books or movies? Please share.
You know that question Vanity Fair asks in their back page questionnaire – “How would you like to die?” I’ve always wondered what my response would be, and I finally came up with the ideal death.
I’d be visiting a haunted house attraction on Halloween and have a heart attack and drop dead when no one was around. My corpse would be lying on the floor undisturbed all evening. People would think I was just another prop and would step over me carefully until someone finally realized the truth and I’d scare the shit out of at least one person, ideally a whole bunch of people. Best Halloween prank ever. Did I mention that I love Halloween? Trick or treat!
You have a number of rare diseases and difficult to diagnose conditions
You take medication for anxiety, depression, insomnia and panic disorder
You can’t tolerate dairy, meat, gluten, sugar or most nuts
You are allergic to perfume, chemical cleaners and cigarette smoke
You have no tolerance for alcohol, caffeine, ibuprofen, acetaminiphine
Climb back into the womb
The world is toxic
It is trying to kill you
I’m back on my pro-life vs pro-choice topic. This time with the question, “when does life begin?” – the ultimate determiner of exactly how late into the process of reproduction should a woman have the right to terminate. Some extremists (read Catholics) believe that even before conception, any alteration of the process (ie birth control) is a sin. Others believe that the morning after pill is a form of murder.
I would argue that five or six years of age should be the cut off point. Give a woman some time to figure out what exactly she’s dealing with. It’s pretty obvious by that stage of life whether or not a kid’s going to be a shit bag and I’ve met plenty of children that age who really need to be exterminated.
Let me know if you support my views and would like to join my movement. Therearetoomanypeopleintheworldanywayso/letsgetridofsomeoftheworstofthespeciesearlyonbeforetheycandomuchdamage.com