New Year’s Resolutions

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So, I extended Christmas for a few extra weeks on my blog due to technical difficulties and I’m now just catching up to New Year’s.

I don’t like making New Year’s resolutions because it’s just a recipe for self-defeating depression. Instead, I’ve made sort of a short term bucket list of things I’d like to do this coming year. I’ll keep you posted once I start checking items off.

  1. Walk into a really expensive restaurant – dressed nicely – and ask the maitre d. “Where’s the crapper at?”
  1. Ask to speak to a loan officer at the bank and tell him or her that I need $5,000. When he or she starts asking about credit ratings and collatoral, I’ll say, “I’m not looking for a loan, I’m asking for a handout.”
  1. Attend service at one of those churches where you’re supposed to stand up and confess your sins. At that point, jump up and say, “I confess, I got a bunch of people to believe that there was a God, took their money and wasted their time. Forgive me for I have sinned.” Then sit down.
  2. Get up on a busy subway car and say, “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen. Does anybody have something to sell, a performance they would like to share, a few jokes or just a really good sob story? I’ve got some money burning a hole in my pocket and I’m looking for someone to give it to.”
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2 thoughts on “New Year’s Resolutions

  1. I’ve got a story! And I just learned from former New Yorker, writer Wallace Bullock, that people recite poetry in the park and get paid for it. Wallace used to stand in Washington Square Park with a menu of poems written out on cardboard and he’d get $5 apiece for them. He said it wasn’t his hustle — he learned it from another bard.

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