I got behind on my blog postings while my computer was being repaired so I have some catching up to do. Unfortunately for you all, the backlogged posts are all Christmas related. So deal with it. This post is the first in a series of true stories. Hope you enjoy it.
I was at a party recently when the topic “worst present ever” came up. I really couldn’t think of anything notably bad that I had ever received. However, later on that day the handyman for my building stopped by with a gift for me. I certainly wasn’t expecting anything. I had given him a little bit of money as a Christmas gift but it really was just a little, although I’m sure no one else in the building even thought of giving him anything. And, he and I have a very friendly relationship. Anyway I was touched that he thought of me but I was quite surprised, especially since what he handed me was a very large box. I thanked him, gave him a kiss on the cheek and brought the gift inside.
Very curious, I opened the box. Inside, individually wrapped in tissue paper, was a set of nativity figurines. Now, first of all, I’m not at all religious, as regular visitors to my blog can guess – judging by the number of Jesus jokes (OK, the guy’s an easy target.)
Secondly, these aren’t the kind of figurines you can set up on your mantle. These are BIG! Joseph is about a foot and a half tall. I live in a 200 square foot apartment. If I did choose to set up this nativity scene, it would be like sharing my studio apartment with seven roommates – and a baby. That is – if there was a baby. Actually, the Christ child (creche and all) is missing (as is one of the wise men) which, when I set them up temporarily just to get a visual, left the others all gazing down at – NOTHING.
Now, even if I did suddenly find Jesus (I mean that figuratively, not literally) AND if I was inclined to celebrate his birth by giving up about a quarter of my living space to this scene of the Christmas miracle, I have to add one more thing – this present was given to me on January 3rd. So, if I did have a nice little house somewhere with a yard to properly display my gift, I’d still have to store it for a year. But I guess I would also have a garage.
Anyway, I don’t think I can wait until that day arrives so, if anyone would like a not-quite-complete set of nativity figurines, leave a comment and we’ll see what we can work out.
I just walked 300 miles – for what? Is this someone’s idea of a joke?
Speaking of missing Jesuses (believe it or not I do have another, totally unrelated story on this topic)
I was online last month looking to buy some little plastic baby Jesuses. (that’s another story) Anyway, I came across a posting from someone else who was looking for a mini Jesus. Her story was a very sad one so I will copy it here in full. “My best friend has a nativity scene that she really loves. Unfortunately, the baby Jesus fell off the shelf into the hamster’s cage and he gnawed off the head and hands. Does anyone know where I can find a little baby Jesus (about two inches long) to replace it? My friend is hearbroken.”
I almost posted my suggestion, which was to kill the hamster and put him in Jesus’s little nest but I thought that would just be cruel, and it is the Good Will Towards Men season, after all.
Hamster post communion (that’s a Catholic joke. Ask a Catholic to explain it)
Happy Holidays everyone.
2 thoughts on “Stories from Real Life I – Finding Jesus or The Christmas Miracle”
Now that’s a hilarious worst-gift story, and it was even worth revisiting the hideous holidays to read it. All I can recommend in the area of where to unload these nativity personae is just — please! — don’t give them to me!
hahahahahaha…i especially like the hamster idea.