My soul mate Is:

a) The guy from the gym who once offered me a piece of gum.

b) The married man I used to date (ha! Date. Right!) who will eventually leave his wife and kids to be with me

c) Someone I met in a chat room who is a young, handsome, rich successful Hollywood screenwriter

d) A prince from Nigeria who needed financial help getting his money out of the country (I sent him a little.)

e) Some guy passed out in a puddle of his own vomit in a shitty dive bar somewhere. Homeless, jobless, but with some sort of potential. We’re just not sure what it is. Or where he left it. Or his car keys. Or his car for that matter.

Well, I think we all know how this game ends.

Not such a mystery after all.