Panic is my default.
You once said, “I could shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose votes.”
Well guess what Donald?
You could cure cancer or facilitate world peace and the majority of Americans would still hate you.
You could single-handedly rescue an entire litter of sad-eyed puppies from drowning and people would still hate you.
And nobody would adopt the puppies.
You could donate a kidney to a needy 6-year-old Mexican boy and the Mexican boy’s family would still hate you.
And they’d consider putting the kid up for adoption.
We’re all just waiting for you to slip on a banana peel so we can laugh at you and post the video on social media.
And banana sales will skyrocket.
That’s the real reality Mr. Celebrity Apprentice/Wrestlemania
I guess if anyone knows “fake” it’s you.
But we all wish that the news was fake
And that you weren’t our president
And that the fake news was real
And you’d been abducted by aliens.
(And by the way, now that you’re “Mr. America” you don’t get to go on to “Mr. World” or “Mr. Universe” so give up your global domination plans and focus on your “Make America Greedy” campaign instead. Seems to be working for you.)
Here’s my Halloween costume. I’m a sad clown whose dreams of becoming a ballerina have been dashed. Story of my life. Sort of.
The leather jacket wasn’t part of the costume but it brings the look to another level. In this pic I’m a sad clown who has failed as a ballerina AND a rockstar.
Doesn’t life just suck?!
This is the sort of stupid tidbit I should have posted on Facebook but I’m running out of material for my blog.
I was trying to fix a friend’s statuette – an angel with a broken arm – so I searched around and found a little tube that I thought was SuperGlue. I was about to spread it on the angel’s empty shoulder socket when I noticed the warning on the side of the tube: “Do not use on cats” Funny, I thought, did someone once try to stick their cat’s tail back on after a tragic accident? Or have people been known to glue things onto cats just for amusement?
It turns out the tube was some sort of dog medicine. Does the fact that I never threw it out after whatever ailment I was treating was cured (can’t remember what or when it was) make me a hoarder? I think it’s very possible.
I’ve realized that one of my favorite subjects is babies. Probably second in popularity only to Jesus. So, in honor of Mothers’ Day – here’s yet another baby post.
As the title indicates, this will be my last Jesus joke (for a while at least) I am turning my attention from Christ to Trump (another easy target)
This cartoon was scheduled for Easter but – as Jesus said after emerging from the tomb on day three – “Better late than never”
Happy Birthday Timi!
This is me.
In front of the Washingon Monument
I’m on a school trip to DC
Exploring the question
“How does history impact me today?”
In this case – Makes me look fat.
I’m writing a paper
Did you know that what sets humans apart from all other species
Is that we have thumbs?
And therefore can text
Humans are superior
Because we have all the answers
To all of the questions
At our fingertips
Unless the question, is “where’s my cell phone?”
Therefore (this is the conclusion)
We should be spending all of our research money
On inventing a cell phone that can’t be lost
Here’s the opener:
The source of all knowledge.
The cell phone
With it, we’re at the top of the food chain
We’re totally vulnerable
Standing around helpless
You could starve.
That’s the basic idea of my paper on evolution
Here’s the “resolution of conflict”
We’ve reached the pinnacle of human acheivement
In a society where we can read people’s minds
Why can’t someone come up with a medically embedded cell phone?
Let’s evolutionize ourselves
Rather than leaving it up to God
Darwin was right
God needs our help
BTW I read that about the human thumb on the internet
No. I’m not sure if it was a scientific journal
Or a blog
And I prefer not to say
“I heard that…” or “I read somewhere…”
You should always just state something as a fact
It shows that you have confidence
That’s really the bottom line
The key to success